The Usual

There are many stages in the journey from boyhood to manhood. With these stages come great change and, therefore, an increase in manliness. Some stages, such as the ones made possible by puberty (lowering of the voice, appreciating the internet, and growing hair...on your face) are more obvious than others (the ability to make one t-shirt last an entire month without being washed), but nevertheless they are all equivalent in importance. That is with the exception of the one stage that is so glorious and comes with so much honor and respect that it would be an injustice to try comparing it with any of the other stages. This stage is being able to order "the usual" and have the barber/waiter/bartender/prostitute/pizza delivery guy/Chinese food delivery guy/any delivery guy know EXACTLY what you're talking about.

I know what you're thinking, "What's so great about having someone remember your order? If you're at the point where someone remembers your order, don't you think you should expand your horizons? What does this have to do with manhood?"

What's so great about having someone remember your order? Oh, I don't know--maybe the fact that you had such a lasting impression on someone that remembering your name and what you look like was simply not enough so they went ahead and memorized your order knowing that it makes you happy and that if they continue to do so someday you might be willing to take the time to remember something about them.

If you're at the point where someone remembers your order, don't you think you should expand your horizons? First off, while the more you frequent an establishment does influence the effectiveness of ordering "the usual" it is not nearly as important as you think. The most important factor in being able to order "the usual" is to be cool, calm, and tip well (just like all great men do) When it comes to expanding your horizons, who needs it? Why deprive yourself of the relationship that has been formed between you and the person taking your order, especially if it means getting your coffee the way you like it just by speaking two words. Let me put it this way, you wouldn't break up with Kim Kardashian to be with Rosie O'Donnell just for the sake of "broadening your horizons."

What does this have to do with manhood? If you're asking this question you have obviously never tried ordering "the usual." If one tries ordering "the usual" without possessing the necessary qualities, they can almost guarantee an unfavorable response. So if you have any doubt regarding your progression into manhood it is strongly suggested that you abstain from asking for "the usual." I say this because I was once unfortunate enough to make that mistake. I remember it like it was yesterday (but it wasn't yesterday it was ten years ago), I walked into the barbershop with my head held high and sat my eight-year-old self into the barber's chair. The barber looked at me and said "What can I do for ya kid?" to which I replied "The usual." I was practically laughed out the door and to make matters worse I had to explain to the barber that "the usual" was what others would call a slightly modified version of the "mushroomcut." One might call it a common misunderstanding but I can assure you it was not. You see, I've been going to this barbershop since my first haircut, I had always asked for that same haircut, and the barber was my Dad. I didn't understand then but I realize now that, through embrassment, my Dad was showing me that you do not just ask for "the usual," but earn the privelege over time. My Dad would later explain it comes from years of watching sports, lifting heavy things, and diminishing the achievements of women.

Being able to order "the usual" is what separates the Clint Eastwoods of the world from the Clay Aikens. Anyone can place an order, but only a true man can order "the usual."

PLEASE VOTE AGAINST PROPOSITION 32, "The Peoples Initiative to Ban General Orders in Public Establishments and Overall Customer/Server Comrardery"