A Day in the Life of Your High School Gym Teacher

5:45 a.m.: The alarm clock has gone off but it will be a few minutes until Coach actually gets himself out of bed. It's hard to get up when you've been ripped away from yet another dream about the '74 state championship game. The outcome of this game has haunted Coach for years now but at least in the dream world he catches that ball.

6:02 a.m.: Coach finally gets out of bed, does a little stretching, and takes a seat at the kitchen table for "the breakfast of champions."

6:17 a.m.: After the most important meal of the day it's time for his daily fitness routine. You don't get to teach High School Gym Class for over twenty-five years without knowing a little something about fitness and that is why Coach partakes in the Presidential Fitness Challenge every morning. Coach accredits his great physique to this daily workout; he would even go so far as to say that his sexual prowess is directly related to the flexibility gained by placing in the top percentile in the "V-Sit Reach."

7:14 a.m.: Time to hit the showers.

7:23 a.m.: Getting dressed for work as a High School Gym Teacher is not nearly as easy as it seems, it takes time to find the right pair of sweatpants that will not only accentuate the bulge but show off the white crew socks too.

7:42 a.m.: Coach grabs his keys and some prescription pain killers on his way out the door and arrives to work on time.

8:52 a.m.: After some intense supervision of the hallways Coach makes his way to his office for his prep period. It seems that Coach finds the prep period better suited for checking the scores from last night's games than actual preparation for the upcoming classes.

9:27 a.m.: It's the first gym class of the day and Coach shows his compassionate side as he explains to the class that since it is still early in the day he will allow the class to hit the showers five minutes earlier than usual under the condition that they are dressed and ready to go for attendance, full of hustle, and void of sass.

10:45 a.m.: European Handball is the game of choice for this gym class. Coach spends over ten minutes picking teams for the game and still manages to put all the nerds on one team and all the varsity athletes on the other, go figure!

11:30 a.m.: Coach gets fired up when foreign exchange student, Gustav Bjornberg, opts to where his native clogs instead of rubber sole sneakers. "I don't know what they taught you in Sweden School but here in America we respect our hardwood floors and the championships won on them."

12:10 p.m.: Lunch. Coach mentioned that he usually has a "liquid lunch", which I can only assume is in reference to a protein shake.

1:07 p.m.: Uh-oh, looks like it's this class' turn to run the mile. To earn credit for today's class the students must finish the mile run in less than ten minutes, that is unless they are a varsity athlete, a total babe, or a vulnerable girl.

1:59 p.m.: It's Coach's last class of the day, phew! Tired from the day's excitement Coach gives a student the key to the equipment shed, flips a chair backwards and sits on it, and tells the kids to "shoot around with the basketballs or something."

2:34 p.m.: The bell rings, the school day is over.

3:30 p.m.: Lacrosse practice has now begun; it's time for Coach to "unleash the dragon" and do what he does best...coach?

5:50 p.m.: Coach picks up a $5 Footlong from Subway on the way home.

7:27 p.m.: Coach strategically places scented candles all around his apartment, lights them, pops in his Los Lonely Boys CD into the stereo and puts "How Far is Heaven?" on repeat, dresses in women's clothing, and weeps until he is tired enough to return to the '74 state championship game.

CollegeHumor: A Day in the Life of Your High School Gym Teacher