I have a bone to pick with you.
First off... Cigars suck. I know it, you know it, P. Diddy knows it. All guys believe that somehow when you smoke a cigar you will grow chest hair, and your balls will drop...not true. Common misconception number two is that girls "dig it". WRONG. Girls hate it. I think all girls would agree (except the girls who smoke cigars...you can tell who they are by noticing that they have chest hair and balls..) that they have never made out with a guy and said "this is nice but I rather lick an ashtray"...
ok short story.
My First Cigar.
One day while hanging out with my two friends we decided that after a trip to Wendy's we would stop by the nearest gas station and buy a few cheap cigars. (awesome fucking idea) After a long healthy meal at my favorite redheads fast food joint we picked up the cigars. We stopped in a parking lot to just hang out and smoke the cigars. As they talked, and I coughed, I desperately tried to dig deep into my "cool" to find the place in my soul that was able to say "I like cigars" and not say "hey guys, you shouldn't hang out with my cause I'm a bitch". After quietly breaking the lighter and convincing my friends that my cigar would no longer light... we all gave up... Upon returning to my friends house and jumping out of the car I realized that I was surprisingly dizzy. Really really dizzy. I told my friend and he told me that cigars always do that and that it was the "cool part". I was really disappointed in myself for about 5 minutes because I was trying to figure out what was cool about being dizzy and feeling like I was going to faint. after those five minutes passed I realized that I wasn't the weird one, THEY were. I mean smoking a cigar to convince yourself that we are almost adults and it is what we are supposed to do is the most pathetic thing I have ever heard of. 5 minutes after that thought ...I was throwing up all over my friends bathroom while they played Rock Band. (They were playing Molly Hatchet's song "Flirtin' with Disaster")
Ok... so cigar smoking, over compensating, kinda stupid, men of America.... Cigars and throwing up aren't cool...and if they are strike me dea...................
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As an FYI, you should know that while the gas station cigars are definitely cheap and machine made, quality and premium cigars that are not inhaled (you don't inhale a cigar after all, else you're a fool and an insult) and used simply to enjoy the flavor do exist and actually are much better.
ReplyDeleteWhile smoking has its problem, if not over-indulged it's entirely rare for you to get any problems.