I am not a fan of celebrity gossip but this is way to good to pass up.
Ok so Mariah Carey recently released this song "Obsessed" (music video can be found on youtube) dissing Eminem. She is trying to say Eminem is lying about ever hooking up with her.
Eminem quickly released my personal favorite song of the summer...
Done.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Grand Weird Note Auto
Wanted Dead or Alive:
The person who left a plastic Subway sandwich bag containing various items on the hood of my car.
After a long day at work (approximately 4:07 p.m.) I walked over to my car and noticed a pile of debris that had been left on the hood of my automobile. Upon further inspection I found that the debris was a Subway sandwich bag containing an empty sandwich wrapper, empty Original Flavor Sun Chips bag, a cubic zirconia tire valve, and a note. The note was scribed on a wrinkly and possibly used Subway napkin and harbored an ambiguous message. It was difficult to decipher the message written on the napkin because of Subway's health conscious decision to print the nutrition facts of their sandwiches on the napkin. After spending a considerable amount of time trying to decode the message I finally figured it out, Subway is a much healthier alternative to other fast food establishments. It was after this epiphany that I finally figured out what the message said:
"Dear Alex,
I hope you can get jiggy wit this footlong sub. We love you more than all the chocolate Barbies in the world.
Love,
S.P.R."
As if the notion of someone loving me more than "all the chocolate Barbies in the world" wasn't shocking enough, I noticed an arrow on the top right corner of the paper and next to it the directions "turn napkin over." I figured the other side of the napkin would probably have something stupid, immature, and possibly derogatory on it-which is why I flipped the napkin to its other side faster than a robot crafted specifically to flip napkins at high speeds. What the other side of the napkin had to offer was a nude, anatomically correct, stick figure drawing of Rick Moranis suffering from what I can only assume was a severe case of elephantitis, specifically in the genital area.
I have to say that this note is probably one of the funniest and cryptic things I have seen in a while. Although I am a little angry about the garbage, thrilled about the tirve valve, and really curious/weirded out about the content of the note, I've concluded that the hilarity of it all slightly outweighs the creepiness of it. I do not wish to contact the authorities, nor do I seek an apology from the author. What I would like is for the person who penned this note to answer me these questions.
1.) Why?
2.) Whose souped-up '96 Dodge Neon did you steal the CZ tire valve from?
3.) Is chocolate Barbie in reference to "Black Barbie" or a cocoa treat molded into the shape of a Barbie doll?
4.) Where can I get a "chocolate Barbie"?
The person who left a plastic Subway sandwich bag containing various items on the hood of my car.
After a long day at work (approximately 4:07 p.m.) I walked over to my car and noticed a pile of debris that had been left on the hood of my automobile. Upon further inspection I found that the debris was a Subway sandwich bag containing an empty sandwich wrapper, empty Original Flavor Sun Chips bag, a cubic zirconia tire valve, and a note. The note was scribed on a wrinkly and possibly used Subway napkin and harbored an ambiguous message. It was difficult to decipher the message written on the napkin because of Subway's health conscious decision to print the nutrition facts of their sandwiches on the napkin. After spending a considerable amount of time trying to decode the message I finally figured it out, Subway is a much healthier alternative to other fast food establishments. It was after this epiphany that I finally figured out what the message said:
"Dear Alex,
I hope you can get jiggy wit this footlong sub. We love you more than all the chocolate Barbies in the world.
Love,
S.P.R."
As if the notion of someone loving me more than "all the chocolate Barbies in the world" wasn't shocking enough, I noticed an arrow on the top right corner of the paper and next to it the directions "turn napkin over." I figured the other side of the napkin would probably have something stupid, immature, and possibly derogatory on it-which is why I flipped the napkin to its other side faster than a robot crafted specifically to flip napkins at high speeds. What the other side of the napkin had to offer was a nude, anatomically correct, stick figure drawing of Rick Moranis suffering from what I can only assume was a severe case of elephantitis, specifically in the genital area.
I have to say that this note is probably one of the funniest and cryptic things I have seen in a while. Although I am a little angry about the garbage, thrilled about the tirve valve, and really curious/weirded out about the content of the note, I've concluded that the hilarity of it all slightly outweighs the creepiness of it. I do not wish to contact the authorities, nor do I seek an apology from the author. What I would like is for the person who penned this note to answer me these questions.
1.) Why?
2.) Whose souped-up '96 Dodge Neon did you steal the CZ tire valve from?
3.) Is chocolate Barbie in reference to "Black Barbie" or a cocoa treat molded into the shape of a Barbie doll?
4.) Where can I get a "chocolate Barbie"?
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
J.T. 2030
Justin Timberlake: At age 50, he will have aged horribly thanks to the extreme pressure that comes with being named The NEW King of Pop and the immense stress of helping Joey Fatone campaign for New Jersey's Gubernatorial Election. Timberlake still maintains a strong following even though he has made the change from recording artist to permanent host of the ESPY's Award Show. Timberlake says his inspiration to let his hair turn grey naturally was drawn from his favorite actor as a child, Ted Danson, or as he is known in the year 2030, Ted Danson Esq. (After acting roles became few and far between Ted decided he would go back to school and become a lawyer.)
After finding a photo from Ebony magazine that was supposed to depict what Michael Jackson would look like in the year 2000 (They were way off) we figured that we would use the advance technology available to us here at PandaStatus.com to create what we think The NEW King of Pop , Justin Timberlake, would look like in the year 2030. We debated creating what J.T. would look like in the year 3000 but we were confronted with the harsh reality that the man who brought sexy back will most likely be deceased at that point. Barring any freak accidents or street fights with Kimbo Slice this photo of J.T. in 2030 should be a lot more accurate than Ebony's M.J.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Ebony Magazines's Prediction of what Michael Jackson would look like in the year 2000
Just a little bit off... You did your best Ebony Magazine...You did your best.
CLICK TO ENLARGE IMAGE AND READ WHAT IS WRITTEN ON THE PHOTO.
Monday, July 27, 2009
The day The New York Post challenged PandStatus.com
Hey New York Post...
F U
You are by far the worst newspaper in NY.
I woke up on Sunday morning full of life. I checked our growing website and got excited by our newest post. I went out with my father to get a bagel and a newspaper. When we were standing in the deli my dad looked at me and said "hey are you gunna get the (Daily)News and the Post?" I looked at him and nodded and he said the truest phrase ever spoken ... "You know the Post is a piece of shit right?" I nodded again and he put the $2.50 on the counter.
I opened the Post first to a random page which is how I always read the paper and I read the following in bold letters across the top of the page...
"YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BE FAMOUS"
My initial reaction was anger and then I went into defense mode which is where I am at right now.
My only purpose starting now is to prove this Asshole wrong.
Please read the article from this link You're Not Going To Be Famous and try not to spit on your computer screen.
If any of our readers can set up a meeting between me and the writer of this article, Jim Hanas, I would really like to talk to him about all of the problems I have with this terribly Debby Downer like article.
(lets face it he will probably read this himself because the dumpy writers the New York Post has are the type of people that would Google themselves.)
F U
You are by far the worst newspaper in NY.
I woke up on Sunday morning full of life. I checked our growing website and got excited by our newest post. I went out with my father to get a bagel and a newspaper. When we were standing in the deli my dad looked at me and said "hey are you gunna get the (Daily)News and the Post?" I looked at him and nodded and he said the truest phrase ever spoken ... "You know the Post is a piece of shit right?" I nodded again and he put the $2.50 on the counter.
I opened the Post first to a random page which is how I always read the paper and I read the following in bold letters across the top of the page...
"YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BE FAMOUS"
My initial reaction was anger and then I went into defense mode which is where I am at right now.
My only purpose starting now is to prove this Asshole wrong.
Please read the article from this link You're Not Going To Be Famous and try not to spit on your computer screen.
If any of our readers can set up a meeting between me and the writer of this article, Jim Hanas, I would really like to talk to him about all of the problems I have with this terribly Debby Downer like article.
(lets face it he will probably read this himself because the dumpy writers the New York Post has are the type of people that would Google themselves.)
Why Putting Man on the Moon was Badass, Awesome and Wildly Irresponsible
This past week was the 40th anniversary of the moon landing. HOW EXCITING!!! Wait… 40 years ago, it was 1969. Isn’t that the same Summer of Love in which Woodstock occurred? Weren’t people driving around in VW Beetles, dropping acid and listening to Led Zeppelin I? How was anyone in the country sober enough to do long division, let alone astrophysics?
Also at this time computers were the size of Nike Factory Outlets and could be out performed by your basic graphing calculator.
Now, imagine what the astronauts must have thought when NASA said “We’re sending you all to the moon.”
Neil: SWEET! Another chance for me to think up a cheese platitude that will be remembered for all time!
Buzz: SWEET! A chance for me to get drunk in space! (Note: this is not funny because Buzz Aldrin was actually an alcoholic.)
Michael: FUCK! They’re going to strap us into a tin can filled with asbestos with a couple of bottle rockets strapped to the bottom, THEN send us thousands of miles across lifeless abyss hopefully with enough (highly explosive) fuel to make it back, THEN risk incinerating ourselves crash landing in what is essentially a soda can on to another lifeless abyss, that up until a hundred years ago , was commonly believed to be made of cheese. All so we can kick around a few rocks and say we did it before Russia.
Yet they went anyway. Badass? Insane? Isn’t that what America’s all about?
*Cue Music*
Also at this time computers were the size of Nike Factory Outlets and could be out performed by your basic graphing calculator.
Now, imagine what the astronauts must have thought when NASA said “We’re sending you all to the moon.”
Neil: SWEET! Another chance for me to think up a cheese platitude that will be remembered for all time!
Buzz: SWEET! A chance for me to get drunk in space! (Note: this is not funny because Buzz Aldrin was actually an alcoholic.)
Michael: FUCK! They’re going to strap us into a tin can filled with asbestos with a couple of bottle rockets strapped to the bottom, THEN send us thousands of miles across lifeless abyss hopefully with enough (highly explosive) fuel to make it back, THEN risk incinerating ourselves crash landing in what is essentially a soda can on to another lifeless abyss, that up until a hundred years ago , was commonly believed to be made of cheese. All so we can kick around a few rocks and say we did it before Russia.
Yet they went anyway. Badass? Insane? Isn’t that what America’s all about?
*Cue Music*
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Michael "Squints" Palledorous: Then & Now
*Spoiler Alert* At the end of "The Sandlot" we learn that Michael "Squints" Palledorous married his dream girl Wendy Peffercorn (Lifeguard.)
While I was ecstatic to learn that the dorky--but loveable--"Squints" bagged the biggest babe of the movie, I couldn't help but wonder what happened to the kid who played "Squints," Chauncey Leopardi. Does he still wear those glasses with the thick frame? Doest he still stink at baseball? Has he tried tobacco since the unfortunate experience he had with it at the Fourth of July Carnival?
Using his "now" picture I have decided that the answer to these questions are No, yes, yes (judging by the chest tattoo and "biker casual" wardrobe I would guess he smokes about a pack of cigarrettes a day.)
Chauncey seems like a good guy, so keep an eye out for him when you're watching reruns of "Gilmore Girls" and "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation".
Chauncey Leopardi's IMDb Page
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
Amazing Entrance...
This got me thinking...
What other songs deserve to be played and used as wedding entrance songs?...
1- The Divinyls--I Touch Myself
2- Black Eyed Peas-- I Got a Feeling
3- Lil Wayne-- Every Girl
4-Beyonce-- Ego
Thursday, July 23, 2009
1990's Boner Jam
Subtlety is not a defining characteristic of the 1990's but Next's catchy R&B tune, "Too Close", and it's obvious theme is beyond ridiculous. How a song about dancing with a woman while sporting an erection reached the top of the Billboard charts is beyond me, but I guess it was a simpler time back then. The only explanation I can think of is that this song really grew on people and eventually reached a point where it became hard not to listen to it.
Next fan(s) may think I am being too hard on the group and may even think I dislike this song. The truth is even though I was surprised by the adult nature of this song I really do enjoy this song and will forever remember it as a great song from the 90's. That being said, you can imagine the look on my face when someone explained to me what this song was about. Next thing you know someone's going to tell me Sisqo's "Thong Song" isn't about sandals.
Enjoy.
For out visual learners:
Next "Too Close" Lyrics
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
The Usual
There are many stages in the journey from boyhood to manhood. With these stages come great change and, therefore, an increase in manliness. Some stages, such as the ones made possible by puberty (lowering of the voice, appreciating the internet, and growing hair...on your face) are more obvious than others (the ability to make one t-shirt last an entire month without being washed), but nevertheless they are all equivalent in importance. That is with the exception of the one stage that is so glorious and comes with so much honor and respect that it would be an injustice to try comparing it with any of the other stages. This stage is being able to order "the usual" and have the barber/waiter/bartender/prostitute/pizza delivery guy/Chinese food delivery guy/any delivery guy know EXACTLY what you're talking about.
I know what you're thinking, "What's so great about having someone remember your order? If you're at the point where someone remembers your order, don't you think you should expand your horizons? What does this have to do with manhood?"
What's so great about having someone remember your order? Oh, I don't know--maybe the fact that you had such a lasting impression on someone that remembering your name and what you look like was simply not enough so they went ahead and memorized your order knowing that it makes you happy and that if they continue to do so someday you might be willing to take the time to remember something about them.
If you're at the point where someone remembers your order, don't you think you should expand your horizons? First off, while the more you frequent an establishment does influence the effectiveness of ordering "the usual" it is not nearly as important as you think. The most important factor in being able to order "the usual" is to be cool, calm, and tip well (just like all great men do) When it comes to expanding your horizons, who needs it? Why deprive yourself of the relationship that has been formed between you and the person taking your order, especially if it means getting your coffee the way you like it just by speaking two words. Let me put it this way, you wouldn't break up with Kim Kardashian to be with Rosie O'Donnell just for the sake of "broadening your horizons."
What does this have to do with manhood? If you're asking this question you have obviously never tried ordering "the usual." If one tries ordering "the usual" without possessing the necessary qualities, they can almost guarantee an unfavorable response. So if you have any doubt regarding your progression into manhood it is strongly suggested that you abstain from asking for "the usual." I say this because I was once unfortunate enough to make that mistake. I remember it like it was yesterday (but it wasn't yesterday it was ten years ago), I walked into the barbershop with my head held high and sat my eight-year-old self into the barber's chair. The barber looked at me and said "What can I do for ya kid?" to which I replied "The usual." I was practically laughed out the door and to make matters worse I had to explain to the barber that "the usual" was what others would call a slightly modified version of the "mushroomcut." One might call it a common misunderstanding but I can assure you it was not. You see, I've been going to this barbershop since my first haircut, I had always asked for that same haircut, and the barber was my Dad. I didn't understand then but I realize now that, through embrassment, my Dad was showing me that you do not just ask for "the usual," but earn the privelege over time. My Dad would later explain it comes from years of watching sports, lifting heavy things, and diminishing the achievements of women.
Being able to order "the usual" is what separates the Clint Eastwoods of the world from the Clay Aikens. Anyone can place an order, but only a true man can order "the usual."
PLEASE VOTE AGAINST PROPOSITION 32, "The Peoples Initiative to Ban General Orders in Public Establishments and Overall Customer/Server Comrardery"
I know what you're thinking, "What's so great about having someone remember your order? If you're at the point where someone remembers your order, don't you think you should expand your horizons? What does this have to do with manhood?"
What's so great about having someone remember your order? Oh, I don't know--maybe the fact that you had such a lasting impression on someone that remembering your name and what you look like was simply not enough so they went ahead and memorized your order knowing that it makes you happy and that if they continue to do so someday you might be willing to take the time to remember something about them.
If you're at the point where someone remembers your order, don't you think you should expand your horizons? First off, while the more you frequent an establishment does influence the effectiveness of ordering "the usual" it is not nearly as important as you think. The most important factor in being able to order "the usual" is to be cool, calm, and tip well (just like all great men do) When it comes to expanding your horizons, who needs it? Why deprive yourself of the relationship that has been formed between you and the person taking your order, especially if it means getting your coffee the way you like it just by speaking two words. Let me put it this way, you wouldn't break up with Kim Kardashian to be with Rosie O'Donnell just for the sake of "broadening your horizons."
What does this have to do with manhood? If you're asking this question you have obviously never tried ordering "the usual." If one tries ordering "the usual" without possessing the necessary qualities, they can almost guarantee an unfavorable response. So if you have any doubt regarding your progression into manhood it is strongly suggested that you abstain from asking for "the usual." I say this because I was once unfortunate enough to make that mistake. I remember it like it was yesterday (but it wasn't yesterday it was ten years ago), I walked into the barbershop with my head held high and sat my eight-year-old self into the barber's chair. The barber looked at me and said "What can I do for ya kid?" to which I replied "The usual." I was practically laughed out the door and to make matters worse I had to explain to the barber that "the usual" was what others would call a slightly modified version of the "mushroomcut." One might call it a common misunderstanding but I can assure you it was not. You see, I've been going to this barbershop since my first haircut, I had always asked for that same haircut, and the barber was my Dad. I didn't understand then but I realize now that, through embrassment, my Dad was showing me that you do not just ask for "the usual," but earn the privelege over time. My Dad would later explain it comes from years of watching sports, lifting heavy things, and diminishing the achievements of women.
Being able to order "the usual" is what separates the Clint Eastwoods of the world from the Clay Aikens. Anyone can place an order, but only a true man can order "the usual."
PLEASE VOTE AGAINST PROPOSITION 32, "The Peoples Initiative to Ban General Orders in Public Establishments and Overall Customer/Server Comrardery"
Stumbleupon.com --Stumble as far as you can
Str8hiphop.com -- know songs before your friends know them. then when they are popular pretend you don't like them...(this will make people think you are cool)
perezhilton.com -- too funny not to visit. Plus we think he may be a reader of this site.
Textsfromlastnight.com --- why not laugh at others mistakes. it will make you feel better
Fmylife.com --- samsies ^
Monday, July 20, 2009
A Message From Chris Brown
If it took him this long to publicly apologize to Rihanna I can only imagine how long we are going to have to wait for him to apologize for wearing this communist chef outfit.
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